As a mom, I sometimes get my day off on the wrong track, and I try to juggle work and parenting at the exact same time, and I end up doing a half-assed job of both. I have this work sitting on the screen (or paper) in front of me and I can’t wrap my mind about it, and I have my kids dive-bombing me like they were gulls and I was holding a French fry. I know they just want my attention, and I know that my work needs my attention, but if I am juggling, I am not giving either parenting or writing the attention it is due.
And almost every single time, I forget that unless I am on deadline, the solution is to delve into whatever my kids want for a little while. To stop and read a story, or to go play, or go see the fantabulous new trick, or to just lie on the floor and let them climb over me.
The thought of doing that is exhausting, but it is usually the only way to do it. At least then my work delay is for good reason.
It’s just another manifestation of the paradox of choice, the grip of indecision, really. I need to commit myself fully, for the moment, to one thing or another and since I cannot fully immerse myself in my work when I am also solely responsible for my children, then I must choose them. And that’s a satisfying choice in itself. I never feel that time spent playing with them is wasted, but yet I have trouble making that switch from even half-heartedly focussing on my own interests and focussing on theirs. Yet once I do, I feel much better. I feel like I have made an investment in them once I switch. Because I hate when a whole day goes by without me having spent ‘quality’ time with them.
And turning your attention fully to the matter at hand is very satisfying, even without the moral weight of giving your children ‘enough’. I can lose myself in time with my kids, just as I can lose myself in anything else, but I will admit that it is much harder. My children don’t bore me, but their activities can. I don’t want to direct their play, but the building and rebuilding of lego structures can only hold me for so long and I would much prefer to spend the two minutes talking to them. Idon’t know if it is their ages or their gender but they are not very interested in talking to me about ‘nothing’ It’s different if I can talk to them about what’s in front of them, but that puts me right back to trying to engage myself with legos.
It’s really a challenge, to strike that balance, to find the way to keep myself there, but when I do I feel good. At the end of spending time just doing what my kids want, I don’t feel ansty, distracted and frustrated. I feel peaceful.
